Your
sometime
affection
is not water
to this parched heart. It is a sedative.
You hope that I will smile, swallow it now,
and sleep with it
the way the
whole world
does.
{Imaginary Garden with Real Toads suggested writing a tetractys. Sounded intriguing. Each line has the following pattern of syllables: 1-2-3-4-10. This is a double. Because one was so fun.}
Whoa, good job! I have been mulling how this form could be anything but just a sentence, but you have made yours a true poem. Brava!
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Thanks for reading 🙂 and for the encouraging and thoughtful feedback.
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The rhythm of the 2 stanzas (shaped by the form) felt like an ostinato, a pulse — heartbeats perhaps — holding forth a measure of love not much found in the world. Nicely done. Happy to find another voice at the Imaginary Garden.
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Thanks Brendan 🙂
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“sometime affection”… Is not water, but a sedative. There is a lot of understory here… Water is life-giving, a sedative something else entirely. Intriguing.
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Thanks. I appreciate you sharing your impressions and insights. A specific memory sparked the idea for this, then it developed into something beyond that.
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This is beautifully evocative 💜💜
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Thanks 🙂
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Truly lovely piece.
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Thank you!
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Nice double. Salute!
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Thanks 🙂
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This is gorgeous, Sophia! What a wonderful way to write about our thirst for love.
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Thanks 🙂
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The wonderful way sometime affection is likened to a sedative is a wonderful observation…
A thirst cannot be quenched
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Thanks for sharing your thoughts 🙂
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Ahh… wow. This is so pointed, as the poem appears as well. I love it. Well done! Done. Er, does. Love that last word. Also, welcome!!!
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Thanks for stopping by, Marian. I really enjoyed this form. 🙂
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This is fascinating …..
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Thanks 🙂
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Well said. A nifty use of the form.
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Thanks, Rosemary
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Layered for the duplicity – i.e. as in “seems” straight forward and simple, but is anything but. Not only for the technicalities of the form, but for the meaning, which can be read one way, yet also in other ways, deeper layers, too. Well done for sure!
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Thank you for your thoughtful reading and comment.
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